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【線上學英文】吵架的哲學(下)

在這篇的文章當中我們設想了幾個情境,也許事件背景、與對方的關係或是雙方所處的環境有所不同,但是這些建議也許會讓你在面對衝突的時候有不同的看法:

Scenario #1: You have bad news to deliver to your boss or another coworker. You missed a deadline, made a mistake, or otherwise screwed up.

情境一、你有壞消息必須要對上司或是同事說;錯過工作該完成的時間、犯了錯誤或是搞砸了一項任務。

The best approach here is to get to the point: “I have some news to share that I’m not proud of. I should’ve told you sooner, but here’s where we are.” Then describe the situation. If you have a few solutions, offer them up: “These are my ideas about how we might address this. What are your thoughts?” It’s important to own up that you made a mistake and not try to point out all the reasons you did what you did.

最好的開頭就是開門見山的切入:「我很遺憾地必須要告訴你們一個壞消息,我知道我早就該說了,但是我並沒有。」然後描述出差錯的狀況。如果你有解決辦法就可以在此時提出:「以下是我的解決辦法…你們覺得如何?」承認自己的錯誤是很重要的一件事情,而不是去找藉口告訴對方為什麼你要那麼做或是為什麼你沒有那麼做。

Scenario #2: You have a criticism or dissent to offer. Perhaps you disagree with the popular perspective or perhaps you’re talking to someone more powerful than you.

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情境二、你想批評某件事情或是有異議,而你的意見和大部分的人都不同或是有異議的對象是地位比你高的。

Figure out why the person thinks this is a reasonable proposal. You can say something like, “Sam, I want to understand what we’re trying to accomplish with this initiative. Can you go back and explain the reasoning behind it?” Get Sam to talk more about what he’s up to and why. Then you can present a few options for how to accomplish the same goal using a different approach.

* Dissent:異議

首先你應該先釐清為什麼對方為什麼會那樣想,例如:「我想知道我們那麼做的原因是甚麼,你可否在跟我說明一次理由?」讓對方多闡述自己的動機以及緣由,然後你就可以開始告訴對方你的觀點還有你覺得有甚麼其他方式可以完成任務。

Scenario #3: You approach a coworker about something he or she messed up.

情境三、想要討論同事犯的錯誤。

Here you don’t want to launch in right away, but ask permission to speak to the person about what happened: “Mary, can I have a moment to talk to you about something?” Then describe what happened. You can say: “I’m a little confused about what occurred and why it occurred. I want to discuss it with you to see how we can move this forward.” But don’t harp too long on what happened. Focus on figuring out a solution by engaging her with something like: “What can we do about this?

不要直接發難,先徵詢對方同意和你討論這次事件:「瑪莉,你現在有空談談那件事情嗎?」然後告訴對方發生了甚麼事。「我不太懂為什麼這件事情會發生,所以想和你討論看看現在我們應該怎麼做。」不過也不要對於事件的發生做過多著墨,應針對事情的解決辦法和對方多做討論。

Scenario #4: You approach a colleague about feeling mistreated or you’re upset about something he or she said.

情境四、你想和同事討論對方對你態度不佳或是你對他所說或所做的話感到生氣。

You don’t know what your coworker’s intent was; you only know that you’re upset. You can start off with something like: “Carl, It’s a little bit awkward for me to approach you about this, but I heard that you said X. I don’t know whether it’s true or not. Regardless, I thought I should come to you because I’m pretty upset and I thought we should talk about it.” The focus shouldn’t be on blaming the person but airing your feelings and trying to get to a resolution.

你不知道同事真正的意圖是甚麼,只知道自己很生氣。你可以跟對方說:「…不好意思,我聽說你說了…,但我不知道那是不是真的。無論如何我覺得我有必要和你談談因為我覺得滿生氣的。」不要一直怪罪對方,你應該想辦法傳達你的感受並找到解決方法。

Of course, even if you follow this advice, sometimes there just aren’t the right words and it’s not possible to have a constructive discussion. Occasionally, you need to let it go and come back to it another time when you can both have the conversation. It’s OK to walk away and return to the discussion later, when you’re ready to make a smart and thoughtful choice about the words you want to use.

當然,就算你完全遵照我們提供的建議,有時候還是不免會說錯話或是無法達成任何有建設性的討論。偶爾你還是得讓自己離開那個場合,等到雙方冷靜下來之後再回頭進行談話。

 

延伸閱讀 :

【線上學英文】吵架的哲學(上)


原文出處及資料來源如下,若有不妥請來信告知,我們會盡快處理:

https://hbr.org

tieba.baidu.com

qq english如何學好英文線上學英文線上英文英文學習網站英語學習英語會話

QQ English線上英文 • 二月 25, 2015


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